What do you do when your boss calls you into her office, closes the door, and says, "...we're not happy with your performance on this job, so we're terminating your employment. Go clean out your desk and report to HR for your exit interview and your final paycheck." I've been fired a few time in my career and I'll share what I've learned from the experience.

The Initial Shock
Your first reaction might be stunned silence - you didn't see this coming and it caught you completely by surprise. If this is the case, then you've got a rotten boss, because a termination should never, ever catch the employee by surprise. So take a minute (or five minutes) to get over the shock and get your brain working again. If you feel like crying, go ahead - it won't change the situation but it will help you cope better if you can unload the emotion.

How to Think About It
When you've got your brain back in control, it's important that you think about this in the right way. You might be tempted to think, "I'm a bad employee." or "I'm a bad person." or "I'm a complete failure." but these are just the panic talking. The right way to think about this is to say to yourself,

"I've been in a job that wasn't a good match for me, and this is just the outcome."

This is important - it's not the job that's at fault, and it's not you that's at fault - it's the combination of you and the job that didn't work out. So you shouldn't feel ashamed - just regretful that it took so long to resolve the mismatch. There are a million reasons for getting fired, and none of them is 100% your fault.

Don't Try to Reverse the Decision
It will be tempting to say, "Boss, just give me one more chance!" but you should resist the urge. The decision has been made and is almost always irreversable. Pleading only weakens your negotiating situation.

Negotiate Your Separation
Even though you're on your way out, you can still negotiate the terms of your separation because your employer wants it to go smoothly and to not acquire a reputation for cruelty. So here are some of the things you should ask for:

Agree with the employer how they will respond when someone calls them for a reference. The safest option is for them just to say, "Yes, he was employed here during these dates and our policy is not to discuss performance."
Ask for a generous separation package. Ask for all your remaining vacation and sick time in cash, and ask for as much separation pay as you think you can get - between one and three months worth. You probably won't get as much as you ask for, but it's a good negotiation start.
Ask for the employer to continue insurance policies for some period. You're entitled to COBRA, but it's expensive, and it's much better if you can continue for a while with your employer's contribution.
Ask for help in finding a new job. Some employers will hook you up with an "outplacement" firm who will help you look for a new job. But if they don't, ask "Can you suggest any companies that are hiring people for this kind of position?" They may be well connected.

Leave with Dignity
Don't work to the end of the day - go clean out your desk and leave right away. If people stop by to say goodbye thank them kindly, but don't roam the halls telling people what happened to you. And never ever badmouth your boss or the company - it will come back to haunt you.

Tell Your Family Immediately
Even if you're feeling shocked and ashamed, tell your family what happened and discuss how you should handle it as a family. Though they'll be shocked and dismayed, in the long run this will reduce the amount of anxiety as you start to react together.

Give Yourself Healing Time
You're going to be tempted to get out and start looking for new work on the next day, but you need to give yourself time to process what just happened, to wash the shame and panic out of your system, and to start thinking clearly. So set a definite period of a week or two and concentrate on taking care of yourself and your family.

It's Not the End of the Road
This is going to be hard to do, but you have to stop thinking of the termination as the end of something, and start thinking of it as a course correction that might lead you to a better situation. It's definitely not fun, but it might turn into an opportunity.

About the Author
Bruce Taylor is the Owner and Principle of Unison Coaching, and provides corporate and executive coaching to a wide variety of businesses including engineering, human resource, consulting, and recruiting firms. Mr Taylor has extensive background in Psychology, Human Resources, and Software Engineering. He holds a Masters degree in Computer Science from Duke University, a Masters in Psychology from the University of Massachusetts, and a Certificate in Job Stress and Healthy Workplace Design from the University of Massachusetts. He can be reached at http://www.unisoncoaching.com or bruce_taylor@unisoncoaching.com.

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