Faking It

Those two words sum up my experience in overcoming shyness in order to network.

Think about. It's what actors do all the time. Fake a personality or characteristics to make a character more believable. Guess what? Everyone can and does do the same thing, even shy people.

Networking is communicating, and communicating [face-to-face, written or via telephone] is vital to spread the word about your business. You must be prepared to talk about yourself, what you do and how you can benefit others at a moment's notice. Yet, shy people have a tough time with communication. Presenting themselves in a confident manner to other professionals is like going out on a limb with no safety net below to catch them. Very scary stuff, and if you're shy you'll know exactly what I mean: trembling, hot and sweating or cold and shaking like a leaf, flushed, stuttering, complete mental block?

Role-playing will help lift a shy person, anyone really, out of that rut. Start with mental role-playing. Build up some knowledge on how to network and talk to people and get started on imagining conversations. When you've done this a few dozen times [and shy people will probably do it a few hundred times before they actually commit themselves], plant yourself in the right situation and go for it. Don't think about it anymore. Put on your networking cap and start talking to people. It helps if you try to treat everyone as you would an old friend, don't get to close and personal, but do show that you are happy to see them. Okay, okay, you're probably thinking, "I'm too shy. I couldn't possibly..." Well, that's your first mistake. Didn't I tell you not to think about it?

If you've practised, if you've got a store of knowledge to back you up, if you realise that these are just people you're talking to and not horrible ogres, then the words should come. Nervously at first, perhaps, but they'll come and with determination on your part, they will eventually flow.

Written communication isn't always easy either, but it's also not as hard as many think. Prospective letter-writers can polish up their skills with books on how to write letters [or reports, or short stories, or the next block-buster novel]. They can join online writer support groups for free critiquing and advice. Surf the web for tips and ideas. Pester friends to check what they've written, or pay someone to write for them [see my resource box for contact details?].

Telephone conversations can make some shy, and not so shy, people shudder [I'm shuddering right now!], but these too can be tackled in much the same way as face-to-face networking. Put on your best telephone voice - low, slow and friendly [so you can be understood clearly] and pretend that you're not wishing you were doing a hundred other things. You need to talk to people and you need to do that with sincerity and friendliness or they will be on their guard against you. Voice reflects mood so you must be aware of yours before you open your mouth.

So, we've got communicating out of the way and you are now a great networker. Now, let's look at belief and self-confidence.

Hopefully, after all that practise at "faking" communicating, your confidence levels have actually lifted a little. Help them along a little more by picking up a pen and listing everything you are good at. You don't have to show this to anyone so ignore the need to be modest. Keep it somewhere safe where you can refer to it again and again. Do the same with your product or service, and include reasons why you are the person to offer/produce these items. Keep that list safe too. Read them both every time you're feeling down. Believe every word! Use some of those words to describe yourself and your product or service to people. Keep using them. Pretty soon, you won't have to think about it, you'll be believing it.

That self-belief will come across in everything you do or say, people will respond to it, and you won't be "faking it" anymore. Networking may never come naturally to a shy person, but once they step into the networking zone, no one will ever know.

Trish is a [shy] freelance writer and reluctant networker with desktop publishing, promotional material, content sourcing, location and information research, fiction critique and web group management skills tucked firmly into her workbelt. To find out about rates and other services, or to read more of her articles, visit Trish at http://beginningsmiddlesends.blogspot.com/ or send an email to wordcatcher@hotmail.com