I don't know when the hunting season is in your part of the country, but in my house it is every school day from August through June. Why else am I hunting through old purses at 6:00 a.m. trying to stalk a quarter for my son's milk money? The only thing I trap are lint-covered lifesavers, an Eisenhower button, and a grocery list of strained vegetables (my youngest is eight years old). It is about as exciting as spending 12 hours in a duck blind.

I must remember to give my child some dollar bills tomorrow so he can purchase "The Lion And The Alligator" and "Mindy And the Moose" at the school book fair. Once the hunting season starts he suddenly develops a serious case of buck fever.

My next aim is to locate a black ink pen to record the emergency information the school requires. How are they to know what doctor to call if he should have a sudden attack of gout, or come down with velocipede of the chest? I am supposed to also list the telephone number of a relative or neighbor who sits by the phone eight hours a day waiting to be called in case of an emergency.

My hunting license leads me to the basement. I creep down the stairs, full of anxiety, looking to paper "bag" school books with serviceable covers. (I have three school-age kids). One year my daughter covered her books with a roll of $10.50 wallpaper. Our bathroom is the only one in the neighborhood with one bare wall.

The White Huntress still has to enter three bedrooms (It's a jungle in there) to snare one overdue library book, one glasses case, one raincoat, and two pairs of sneakers. (My experienced nose led me to the last items quicker than a hound dog on a scent). I am surprised I don't get bagged for exceeding the legal limit.

On the trail I am surprised to come upon a wild animal (my youngest son). And I wasn't even dear hunting.

Ms. Adams is a freelance writer for newspapers, magazines, and books. She also wrote jokes for Phyllis Diller which she told on tv. You can see her own page at SQUIDOO

and her blog at CAN WE WRITE?

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