Blimey, I can remember it well. Those lovely long summer holidays just hanging out with my buddies, then all or a sudden, the day to return to school for the new term loomed ever closer. It was like a thousand Monday morning feelings all rolled into one. I really detested going back to school as I was teased and bullied every single day by a small group of teenage tearaways. I never actually told anyone about this, but I know now that by bottling it all up and living in a constant state of fear and anxiety, did me no good whatsoever.

Now I have the same problem with one of my kids that I need to get to the bottom of. It's all I hear these days; "Dad, I hate going back to school. Can?t I stay at home and let you and Mum teach me?" I guess kids like to feel freedom especially when they are young and full of playful mischief. I suppose schools can seem a little like forced labor camps to some youngsters. But schools are a great pace not only for essential education, but for kids to learn to interact with others, form new friendships, and learn about relationships with members of the opposite sex etc.

But, there are good schools and there are bad schools and as we, the parents, are not there to witness what goes on after the bell rings, we only have our children's account of events, and kids being kids will only tell us what they want to unless we can find ways to get them to open up. I think it's important to listen to our youngsters and in particular note their tone and body language when they say things like we hate going back to school.

Yes there are good schools but even good schools have school bullies. Even good schools can have one or 2 bad teachers, just as bad schools can have good tutors. The best of the best is not going to be wall to wall perfection, but it's so important that out kids are happy, or at the very least reasonably ok, with going to school. No child should say 'I hate going to school' on a regular basis. If they do, there's something wrong somewhere and even if they don't tell you the problem, it's obvious there is one, and it needs addressing for the benefit of their education, happiness, and general wellbeing.

I come from a generation where your folks would tell you to stop winging and get on with stuff and that was just about all the ear time they would give you. "You kids should be seen but not heard" was another classic of theirs. I was determined to break this mould and my wife and I developed a system where we would not push nor let go any obvious issues the kids had. We now discuss 'with' them rather than lecture 'to' them on what they should or should not do.

We haven't got to the bottom of the 'I hate going back to school' issue yet, but I think we're getting close. We've started chatting hypothetically about the harm caused by bullying at schools, and one of our girls is starting to talk openly about a friend of hers that is getting pushed around by a couple of teenage tyrants. She went on to say that they pulled her friends hair on a daily basis and made her do their homework. We think that friend is really our daughter and anticipate she will be opening up fully in the next few days. Talk with, and not at the kids seems to really bridge the gap in our household.

Although some ideas are simple, it doesn't necessarily mean they are always easy to implement, but with a little patience and persistence, I think all parents can form better relationships with their teenage children which can only be good for all concerned.

I've noticed that many colleagues in the workplace that are heavily into gossiping, complaining, and character assassination, all have one thing in common. They hated school. This is why it's so important to help the kids to grow up as happy and as balanced as possible, and that can only be done with patience tolerance, and understanding, followed by actions as appropriate.

Andy Maingam writes for Distantschooling.com where he has works on Home Schooling and Online Computer Courses . He also has other educational related work on the site.

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