Your Online Resource Centre
If I Am Me
By: Patti Pacifico
I wanted to be someone that wrote about hope and believing you are never alone, but I've never felt so lonely. So much time, energy and love, only to realize that to be me, no one I love will love me. At least not through this pain, when I've only asked once. The knowledge I have of those now is that which I wish I could have forever been ignorant to.
You cannot make someone love you, believe in you. You can't make them be what you thought they were or who you thought they were. They say ignorance is bliss and I believe now complacency is, too. If I stay what and who they want me to be, I'll die. If I become what I am, what I have hidden, if I am me, I find I am only loved conditionally and my death comes in smaller pieces.
I carry my love for them. What beauty I know they could be. I am weary from the weight and unworthy of anyone's time to assist. I want to quit 'cause its easy. I want to quit, because I don't want to have to walk away and be hurt again by carrying their blame.
Silence is my refuge and I pray the creativity will come again, but I will never be as good as I could have been. If only one would have been true, would have really believed, would have really loved.
Audio-blog: life and other articles can be found at: http://www.pattipacifico.com Copyright 2006 Patti Pacifico A former computer professor turned Internet writer, using elements of the film, music,and publishing industries to create a new genre exclusive to the Internet- Digi-Tome's. Interested in a different way of learning and beautiful way of living, I created the world's first digi-tome, "life"- combining music, reality recordings and various characters. What in life will you hear? I guarantee you've never heard anything like it. |  |